That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize