I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize