I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
