I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
