im six kinds of drunk right now
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
