You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
