No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
