i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize