I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
