one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
