She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
