...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
