Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
