While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
