I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
