Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
