I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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