i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You may now shotgun with the bride
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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