I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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