I feel like abortions should bother me more
accomplished twins. life is a go
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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