3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
