looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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