After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
