The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
