guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
