She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Randomize
