Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
