Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
