The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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