I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Sober January is a disaster.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
