lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
he fucked my hip out of place.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
She needs sedatives and a leash
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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