I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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