just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize