Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
