Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
