Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I'm always down for nudity.
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