I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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