I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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