What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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