I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
