he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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