I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
