I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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