Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
