You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
