Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
