I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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