He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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