I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
