ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Randomize
