so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
