Your tits are I can't wait for
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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