the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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