Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
