apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize