i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
