Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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