YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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