they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
