Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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