It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
