I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
