i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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