So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
