What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
