Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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