would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
