Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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